LOOKING FROM THE OUTSIDE IN: BECOMING AN AMERICAN

On December 14th I became a citizen of the United States of America. It feels a little strange to be an "official" American, since I have been connected to this country in one way or another since I was 10 years old, when I left my home country of Moldova and moved to New York City.

This is a picture of me arriving at Ellis Island...

No, but in all seriousness, this was my first real experience with the United States, and as most of you know, New York City isn't really like the rest of the United States...no, not really. NYC is a hodge-podge of everything and everyone. I'm pretty sure the middle school that I attended there had at least one person from every country in the world. OK, that might be a slight exaggeration, but it's pretty close to truth. My USA experience in NYC pretty much went like this - skyscrapers, shops at every corner, subways, great Chinese food, more taxi cabs than actual cars, lots of people walking really close to each other, busy, busy, busy. But oh how I enjoyed every minute of it! It was all so new and exciting to me, and I loved the feeling of living among such diversity...the skyscrapers, the shops, and the taxi cabs - it was all so exhilarating!!!

Two years after arriving in NYC, my mother and I moved to Guatemala - and what a change that was. I loved my experiences there - the beauty of the country, the amazing friends I made, finding and learning about the Gospel of Jesus Christ and becoming a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I will forever treasure in my heart the things I learned in Guatemala and the wonderful people who touched my life.

While in Guatemala, I attended Colegio Maya, an American school. I learned what most Americans learn in high schools here in the US, with, of course, the benefits of being in a small class, and having teachers from all over the world. (Well, ok, most of them were either American or Guatemalan, but still...one of them was from England!) I attended that school for five years, with many of the same people, and then one day, my twenty-somewhat awesome friends and I graduated.

I miss these people! (I'm in the blue bandana.)

That summer I left Guatemala for Utah. Utah was not at all like Guatemala, nor was it like New York City. Utah had a lot more "space" - suburbs, fields, and mountains for hiking! This was a new life for me, and I enjoyed it, but a small part of me wasn't quite sure exactly where I belonged. In Guatemala, I identified myself with the American culture, and thought I knew it all...After all, I was up to date on the pop culture and knew the American vernacular (or so I thought). I'll tell you this much, there was a whole lot of LDS Church slang that confused me to pieces. Don't worry, I have since learned it.

When I came to Utah, I felt like an international student, which I was - legally - but not really, kind of? I didn't really stand out as an international because for the most part I looked and sounded like an American. So I was kind of "stuck" in this weird in-between place, not really an international, but not a "local" either. I worried about what would happen after I finished school - where would I go? Would I return to Guatemala or Moldova (which at the time I was a citizen of), or stay in Utah? Or go somewhere else in the USA? I worried about what people thought of me, and dreaded having to explain to everyone  I met where I was from, and how I ended up at BYU, and how I learned to speak English so well, and blah blah blah. I eventually just tasked my roommates with briefing people on my life story.

Then, the summer after my sophomore year, everything changed. I moved to another part of town (which was really only about 5-6 blocks away), and had some of the best college experiences ever. I started feeling like I actually "fit in". I stopped worrying about being an expert on the American culture, or trying to determine whether I was more Moldovan, Guatemalan, or American. I was just "me", and the life which I had lived and was living was mine. The experiences I had were designed for me, and I needed to be proud of that, rather than feeling like I was a stranger, and out of place. Needless to day, that summer was a major turning point for me.

Ryan and I met that summer, though we didn't date until the following winter, and were married the winter after that. Last week we celebrated our 4 year anniversary, and we have a one and a half year old son - oh how the time flies!

People have recently asked me if I feel any "different" now that I'm an American citizen, and truthfully, I really don't. I am grateful to be a citizen of this amazing country and for the opportunity to have such a good life. I am grateful to feel as safe as I do. I hope to always fulfill my duties and obligations to this nation. I have been really blessed to have been able to understand life from the perspective of so many different cultures - because it has really shaped who I am today - a Moldova, a New Yorker, a Guatemalan, and now, an American.

Happy New Year.